I don’t know why everything in life seems to happen at one time. Nothing feels gradual. Everything falls apart at the same time, or comes together all at once and you’re left in the middle of this shitstorm of emotion and anxiety just waiting for things to settle. Just waiting for things to calm down for a little bit so you can breathe. Trying to tread water and keep your head above the surface.
I don’t think these situations have ever really stressed me out, it’s just too much stimulation. I’m textbook Type B personality, but I look around and I’m surrounded by checklists and calendars, always feeling like there’s something that I should be doing, or something that’s not being handled. I think life just kind of drowns you to force you to put things into perspective.
It makes you see what’s important. It stretches the boundaries of your comfort zone and makes you realize what you’re capable of. The blacks and the whites in life balance each other. They compliment each other. When things are at their darkest and everything is crumbling much too quickly for you to piece it back together again–it’s that moment after, that moment of extreme, blinding light that gets you through it. And maybe it’s only blinding because your eyes have to adjust to something good, but I’ve known life to leave me stranded and broken, just to send a jet for me and fly me higher than I thought I could go.
Maybe this roller coaster is just your twenties. Maybe it does settle and I haven’t lived long enough to know anything about anything. Maybe it all becomes extremely dull, and things will never feel as polarized as they do now. Maybe we won’t feel much of anything later.
Maybe it’ll be nice to be on solid ground. But maybe it is kind of nice to float.